I agree with Nikon. We definitely want to help you-- and anyone who has suffered abuse. Do your care workers have any experience serving the LGBT community? It's disturbing to hear that they felt okay "researching" genital descriptions with you and speculating about your ex-partner's biological history. You should never, ever be pressured or forced into dating anyone-- or abused/harassed when you decide to end the relationship (for whatever reason). If you're not into her "down there"-- or suspect she isn't being honest with you-- you totally have every right to get out and she has to respect that. Period. At the same time, can you understand why she might be entitled to some level of privacy or autonomy over her body, regardless of whether she is trans, intersex, etc? So many people are abused for the sole reason that they're trans (or intersex or non-binary) and have a long history of being bullied and socially rejected, often by their own families and partners. It doesn't seem appropriate to share graphic details about J's genitals. Really, that's her business. And if she doesn't feel comfortable going into detail about her surgery-- she has that right. Just as you have the right to say "then I'm not interested" and end the relationship. I really am sorry that you suffered abuse. I'm just also sensitive to being respectful of the right of everyone to define their own gender identity and share (or not share) information about their genitals. I think most of us-- even those of us who are cisgender-- would feel horrified if people were telling others about what our genitals looked like and then googling photos to help others get a better visual picture. I know I'd feel super violated. Of course, you should be able to talk to your care workers about the abuse and get help healing from that-- it just might be possible to do so without going into graphic detail about her genitals and speculating about what gender she was assigned at birth. The problem is that she wouldn't take no for an answer, tried to prevent you from leaving, contacted you repeatedly after the police told her no, etc-- it's her behavior that's abusive (not what kind of vagina she has).