I've had walls go up to protect me emotionally before but I can usually tell when I've put one up. I didn't feel it this time. Maybe because I got so triggered last Friday and there was no one, even the suicide hotline lady was not really there, I'm unconsciously protecting myself from feeling anything too strongly. I'm just trying to figure myself out right now. I can feel things brewing beneath the surface and it scares me. I have court dates coming starting next week and I think they are going to bring up a lot of stuff for me.