rr -- yeah, I'd be reluctant to give up your therapist too.

It wasn't super clear from your post but is she at all suggesting -- subtly or otherwise -- that you need to get going on dropping the 'a' from asexual (within or outside a relationship)?

Coz I'd be seriously pissed if that were the case.

I totally get being cheesed off with the whole ridiculous ultra-normalizing thing that therapists do -- I have (and I'm not proud of this) pushed current T to tell me how exactly she doesn't fit the norm in any way whatsoever when she's tried this crap on me.

However, I do think that to some extent, therapists are kind of in a bind about this sort of stuff?

Like if she doesn't try to normalize and says "Yep, that's freak-ish and you need to get with the program and find a nice woman and produce 2.32 children and buy a Lesbaru and a house with a picket fence", it ain't gonna work either, right?

I mean, of course, I'm exaggerating but any attempt at saying that something needs to be changed about you is likely to eventually head in that direction?

So, the only thing I could think of which it might be helpful if she were to do would be to explore how and what exactly the feelings of not-fitting-in involve? It starts off with just labels, yes, but it's kinda boring to stick around right there at the surface? And, saying it's abuse is a bit lazy? There are lots of folks who've been abused who aren't asexual? And, vice versa?

So, in your place, I'd want to push the conversation to a much deeper level. And, I'm guessing your therapist would be a lot more at home in that realm than if you were to just talk about the sexuality spectrum?

Btw, can I just say that I totally agree with you that we live in a primarily sexual world and everything revolves around the concept of pair-bonding and it gets my goat like little else?

But, I'll also say that more people than would like to admit are desperately lonely and have little by way of joy even within those much-vaunted, hyper-sexualized pair bonds (I've kinda seen too much of the ugly innards of many of the super-popular much-in-love very-adorable couples [straight and gay] to be anything but rather cynical about it all).

Not sure if this helps and I honestly don't mean to pontificate at you -- so, if that's how it came across, feel free to chuck it!