I read your whole post too. Me and you also have a lot of things in common, except instead of a nerd I was just that kid that used to be smart but now just sits there looking zoned out all the time and only talks to his close friends. Let me also say that Im young only 19 but I have mild depression, anxiety, and psychosis holding me back, which is true but thats my excuse.

I believe that like me you are too hard on yourself and you are also too uptight. I also notice that we both take things the worse that they could possibly be and we dwell on stuff too much. Like when noone replied you felt like noone cared about you. I also felt like that a lot in school when some of my friends stopped talking to me as much as they used to. I took that like what happened? did I say something wrong?, and I would dwell on that for a long time.

I finally noticed that I wasnt fun to be around anymore because of my illnesses, which I didnt even tell any of my friends that I had. Im not blaming every bad thing in my life on my illnesses but it has a lot to do with the things that went wrong in my life. I hate it but the more I think about it the worse it gets. I found the best way for me is to just stop caring about things so much and let things go. It was hard for me but you just have to learn to accept things that you cant change and the things you can change you have to work as hard as you can to make them better, its no easy task.