Thanks so much, AY. This is helpful in a lot of ways.

I don't think my therapist is necessarily suggesting dropping the "a" so much as suggesting it's not as singular as I think it is, that many people struggle and/or slide around the sexuality spectrum. Your comment toward the end--about there being a lot of people being made miserable by the hyper-sexualized pair-bond is just what I need to hear. It gives me some insight into where my therapist might be coming from, only it's so far just felt invalidating because of this disconnect. So thank you big time for that tremendous insight.

I agree that assigning this to abuse is missing a lot, but I think it's not so much lazy as her way of trying to help me tease out what is abuse related and what is me. And the fact that it was perpetrated by females, and came with an intense homo bashing/blaming that a child's mind can't process, it's just a mess to sort through. I can see her point, but also want an acknowledgement of the social distress. Like you said, the whole normalizing schtick is maddening.

Thank you so much for getting it. That's really what I needed.

eta: Lesbaru--hahaha. Thanks for that. :-)