I just need someone to listen... I don't have any true friends. I get "involved" with men who are wholly inappropriate for me, the type who are all too happy to take advantage of needy women like myself, because I'm desperate for attention. I need to be in counseling, I need to be on medication, but I'm so afraid. And I'm so exhausted...every time I think about my life, or my problems, I feel every ounce of energy drain from my body and it all seems so hopeless. I've never really fit in, I've never been good at socializing, at making friends, and now I'm all alone. My past therapists have gotten exasperated with me because I don't talk, and I just can't, I've tried. I get so emotional and all I can do is cry...I don't trust easily, having to confide these very intimate details of my mind is like torture to me. I have a hard time feeling comfortable with people. I've spent so much time alone, I get jumpy and anxious even when I'm spending time with my mother. I feel so dull and uninteresting and worthless. I try to be compassionate with myself but it feels artificial...I don't feel like I deserve love. I try not to, but I really hate myself. It's this terrible paradox because I hate myself for not wanting better, for not taking better care of myself, but I don't feel like I deserve better! I don't know how to get out of this place and it's making me crazy