it is interesting to stand back (sometimes not by choice) and be an observer to the system. Today i have been reading a book on DID/MPD which turns out to be a whole lot of other ppls experiences with living with this.

I found my nails being painted black with a blood red top coat (from halloween) and understand that this is so there will be no SI. well that didn't hold for long. Even the SI is very very mild, someone within the system (and i know who) was for some reason engaged - the thing i don't know is *why*. I didn't really see an overt trigger, didn't feel a mood change, no inner dialog took place. What i felt was more like an ill wind brush over me and it was done. Honestly i've had worse paper cuts. but the point, of course, is that it was done with intention on the self. I just didn't have any other outlet so i hope it was ok to write this here.