So today's the day. I guess I feel kinda numb amongst other feelings. I use to feel like a toddler all excited, but today? dare I say I feel a tinny whinny bit resentful at going back, I feel that I am handing my ablity to work things out for myelf back over to T. Of course T will explain this and give it back to me in a way that makes me see its not like that at all, but this is the first time I've felt I am ok handling life myself right now. Perhaps this is growth, this is where the "need" for T does start to change? I mean those words first echoed by T many moons ago "Your need for me will change" are coming true? I do have a situation I want to talk about with her I guess, but I don't feel that panic inside where I will die unless I give this problem to her. I hear her voice as I type this telling me this is just a defence feeling? But know I am sure that part of me is handling my own life more independently now. I don't feel in control this morning, I feel like how I feel this afternoon will depend on how the session goes, but I guess not being able to guarentee myself my own stablity is a sign that I am not yet finished in therapy. Perhaps I've just enjoyed not having to deal with all the deep issues these past 3weeks? Perhaps if I never returned to T my energy would wain and I would find myself in a terrible place? Oh well, we're see.