I think I understand. My mother, despite a bitter streak, is mostly a loving, generous person, who often gives more than she receives. I kind of grew up resenting the fact that I couldn't seem to pay her back with the dedication she showed my brother and me. I would rather have had her be less attached to us, as weird as that sounds. I do as best as I can with her now, making sure she feels loved, but I feel inferior, like it'll never be enough to repay her, and I still have some of that resentment. It doesn't help that when she's in a mood, she'll guilt trip me into deep periods of self-loathing, but most of the time she doesn't do that.