All those bad feelings I've been having - mostly gone and replaced with a fluid feeling of life inside me.
I had a dream, it involved D (my first crush) and K (someone else I knew who was cute).
It's my first day of university. After the dream I woke up earlier than I should have. I didn't have a pumping heart though. I had a good gut feeling, a feeling of purification of all the bad feelings stored, being replaced with feelings towards her, reviving me from the bad feelings I've been having lately.
And then I heard my father in the background and got feelings of fear which appeared to be clearer. But they stopped after a while.

I haven't felt so strongly towards a girl in a long time. It's hard for me to say "woman". D is short and slim and mostly has youthful smiles. And is my teenhood crush since nearly 7 years ago.

I started wandering around the feelings of going to university and the appearance of both of the women in my dreams and got this feeling they may be going to university today, too!

Yet I am also fearful my experiences in life don't measure to hers. I look in the reflection of my laptop and I see someone who's lived in fear and sad feelings, while she has been living the life with lots of friends and yeah, the many likes on Facebook.

But it's like she's still alive inside me. Neglecting those feelings and "forgetting" about her will return me to my dreadful and sad feelings all over again. I'm worried I'll be no match for her since we're so parallel. That I haven't been brave and collected many social experiences as she has.

The only good thing I can offer her is the fact that I had these feelings deep within me for 7 years. I assume those feelings will do the rest regarding relationship buildup. Those feelings make me think I just really love her.

I just had to share this. I really hope we'll meet up and love each other. Most people would tell it's time to move on. I did, had a dream, and now I have feelings back. I just wish we'll meet up.