I can relate to what you guys/ladies have said. my mom was very overprotective and loving when I was growing up but occasionally had shifts where she would give me or one of my siblings the silent treatment. I was extremely dependent on her, enmeshed, and felt like if she died I would also die. some point around 24/25 this changed completely and I detached a lot, and now I feel really distant from her, and like I don't really love her or care that much any more. I have no idea why. these days I am not sure if my view of my family is more accurate or more distorted, but I am seeing her as more manipulative and controlling, and seeing that her love wasn't unconditional but rather controlling.

when I was a kid I had "bad" thoughts about not loving my mom that I felt sick with guilt about. these literally caused me terror. i think it was purely obsessional ocd - never saw a psychologist or anyone at the time but the thoughts caused serious problems. now if I have those thoughts I feel nothing, which is weird, and I also have a lot of trouble with relationships. I feel anxious when relationships start to get closer (just friendships, never had an intimate relationship) and a lot of my friendships have ended suddenly with arguments. i am extremely awkward with people, don't trust people and find it really difficult to talk openly. i'm not sure if this is related to my mom though.