Hi all,

I'm new here and figured I'd say what's going on with me in case someone else has gone through the same and can tell me if this is normal.

Well here it goes... At night I often get reminded of/ think of the inevitable things that will happen. Such as, my pet dying (been with me since I was a small child, and has gone through so many things with me) or my mom dying. I just think about how alone I'll be, how life would be worth living knowing I'll never be able to see or experience them ever again, how could I move on knowing the main reason I'm still here is gone, how can I ever be happy again.

I'm extremely emotional and cry easily over the typical sad things, usually I empathize with the situation (sad story, sad movie, tragedy etc) because I imagine what if that was me and I replay all the emotions in my mind. And I'm not talking about... a few tears shed. I literally sob for hours, it's kind of like, I cry a little bit, I calm down then the thought overwhelms me (because i think about it, how clever right..) and I sob hard for about an hour and then calm down, cry calm down sob and repeat. And this could go on until I fall asleep/ decide to stop because I need to sleep. I have this heavy feeling of agony in my chest, a heavy feeling of sorrow deep in my chest that feels so unforgiving.

Another thing, I often think about the worst things happening. I feel like subconsciously it prepares me for the worst, but also I feel grateful when things don't happen in the worst possible way. For example, if my mom leaves to the store and she takes longer than usual I get worried she got into a car accident or there some accident at the store and now she's in critical care etc. Or if my father (we have an estranged relationship, but I still worry funny enough) stays out too long after saying he was going to the gym/ store/ mail, I think what if he fell carrying something, or something bad that endangered his life happened.

Nothing like that has ever happened to my parents or family or friends while away, so this isn't because something like this has happened before.

Is this COMMON (maybe not healthy, but just want to know if this is "normal"/ common).
I am 20 years old, female and take BC (have been for over a year same prescription so nothing new but thought I'd mention it) maybe the bc makes me more emotional?
I should also mention, earlier this year I moved back in with my parents after deciding to quit school and my job. It was because I had other plans and dreams I wanted to accomplish, and was living abroad a while with the person I'm in a relationship with. However, things went south and I left for home. Me and him are still together and we have mended our relationship quite well despite the distance (nothing new though we started off online and thats how we met like 4 years ago). I decided not to go back because I want to care for my pet (he is very special to me, I got him when i was 4 years old and I can't imagine living a happy meaningful life without him, my life revolves around him. I don't leave the house long, and getting a job isn't a priority for me since it involves me leaving for long periods of time and he is old now and often gets sick suddenly and randomly)

Anyway point is, ever since I came home I do nothing all day. At first it was a breath of fresh air, but now I'm afraid it's feeding more into me feeling like I don't belong outside. I do what I can cleaning and cooking as I live here too, but other than that nothing. During the day, I have my younger sister and she, along with my mom, is my main source of human interaction every single day, and during the day I don't cry like I do at night and I'm usually in better spirits, it's only at night or when my pet is sick that I get extremely sad and worried.

I don't think I'm depressed. I want to get help if this isn't normal, i don't know if it's something that'll pass because I'm still a young adult ("hormones" and what not) so if I should do my best to keep myself busy or if this sounds concerning. And I noticed all of this happening perhaps... slowly started last year before I came home but not at this intensity or this often. It definitely got worse in the past few months to the point I cry for hours each night, maybe 3-5 times a week.