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Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
I appreciate your vent, and I am feeling something similar after my session today. My T sends a bill reciept that shows how many patients he saw each week bc the invoices are numbered. This little thing makes me feel so insignificant. He asks me to step up and confide horrible things from the past to which I have never once spoken to anyone; at the same time, he is just doing this job he has, and one he said he is good at setting boundaries in that he goes home, plays with his kids, and forgets all about psychology until the next day. It creates heartache to have this person you take risks as in a normal relationship, but also receive social cues of a very limited relationship. One person is exposed for all the world to see, and the other omits anything they want about themselves and certainly disdain the reciprocity that defines as "close" close relationships. This is one of the first days in a year I am contemplating quitting with all my might. I adore and respect my T; he is professional, warm, incredibly well trained in what I need- but there's something humiliating in going through the motions of talking as if to your dearest confidant in the world, when that person is going to forget you immediately after the door shuts.
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Yes! Thanks for responding and validating my feelings about therapy. I would hate to get an invoice like that! Sometimes I've asked to see my T on a different day, and she's emailed back " I'm totally booked on that day." It makes me feel I'm just one of many. She usually sees people back to back; she doesn't even have 5 minutes between sessions.
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Originally Posted by unaluna
Youre not talking for them; youre talking for you.
Rain, when she asked how long has it been - im surprised you took that literally. I usually answer a question like that with, "its been FOREVER!", or "it went by too fast." Feeeeeelings, not facts.
Did you want to say, "did you miss me?" Did you want her to say she missed you without your asking? What feelings got skipped over and replaced by anger?  The feeling of being or not being missed might not even be about her, but about your family, either your parents or children, a particular incident or a repetitive one. |
Thanks, una. What do you mean by your first sentence, talking for you, not them? I didn't understand that.
Actually, the 3 weeks went pretty fast and I did take her literally. But, yes it would have been nice for her to say she missed me. I didn't say I missed her either. I used to miss her more. I was depressed and tired so everything triggered me last session.
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Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn
This t relationship is so hard sometimes. I feel so much of what you said, rainbow. I remember one time awhile back maybe a year or so ago, I looked right at my t and said "What ARE you to me, that I can't just walk out that door and not feel like I NEED you?!" She responded "Maybe the question is actually, what are we to each other?" She is so fearless in her questions. There is no way in hades I could have EVER phrased the question that way, but that's of course what I meant.
We still have not really fully discussed that, come to think of it...
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What are we to each other? That's what I want to know too. T has said she has a special place in her heart for me, and even that she loves me, but I'm still one of many. I think I know her pretty well, but I'm not sure. It hurts. A few months ago when she was encouraging me to meditate every day, she told me it changed her life. I didn't say anything then, but now I'm thinking: she's always calm, present, and collected in my sessions. Is she totally the opposite at other times? What does she mean "it changed her life?" Maybe T is not who I think she is? That thought is disconcerting to me! I want to know who she is.
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Originally Posted by SilentMelodee
Thanks for posting this....I am having the exact same issue with my therapy. We talk about it, but nothing's ever gonna change...
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Thank you. The therapeutic relationship is unique, and often difficult. But "it is what it is." I hesitate to bring it up with T again, but I need to. We seem like close friends, but we're not. She always says we have a relationship, and it's been 7 years, etc. I get small peeks into her life but she says she discloses more than most Ts. I don't know if that's true or not.