Kahil Gibran said to embrace your winters as you do your summers. Meaning all our emotions have purpose and validity. We are afraid of the negative ones and reject them out of hand. Sitting with them really is awful and i understand perfectly why you do not want to. i don't either. But sitting with them i dont think means having coffee with them. But dont fight with them... you can distract yourself with things that calm you to help prevent and relieve the anxiety... while allowing yourself to still experience the mixed feelings you have. They come for a reason. They will keep coming until you discover that reason and make peace with it. They are as much a part of you as your arms, one pleasant, one not, but both essential and useful.

you can channel those feelings into writing or drawing... you can find all sorts of ways of making them more descriptive.

i dont think you have to sit... you could walk with them

take care of yourself and the parts of yourself which feel pain.

i hope you do get to sit with peace

much love baby cakes