I could relate to your post a lot. Sometimes I feel resentful that at 46, I am still trying to navigate this whole being an adult thing. I wonder about stuff like where would I be in my career now, would I have a family of my own, etc. On the flip side, what is done is done. I lost a lot of years, but the past 10 years have been mostly onward and upward, getting more and more stable. I am grateful that I've been able to start rebuilding my life. Better late than never. Mourning is painful, but it is a necessary part of recovery. I wish you the best, hang in there.