My life has improved in many ways, I manage to get alot in my life in order and it has been a very long time since I have posted on here.
Why I made this thread is about how now I am free from my mother I never saw the ugly truth how hellish my whole life had been with her narcissitic life and finding out how unloved I really was.
All these old posts hurt me deeply, because my mother openly admitted and denying at the same time of how much she was using me, my dad, my wife, and my sister.

I'm very grateful I have a father and his family and my wifes family, but those posts I made on here were never an over zealous story of my day to day painful experiences.

It hurts all the time after my parents divorce my piece of **** mom told my wife behind my back how i will ditch her and not love her. When she is the only person i have now and i dont want anyone but her and her son. Theyve been a blessing I am so thankful for.
The posts i mean are about not feeling good enough, loved, and me working my butt off to be financially stable, but no one knew till now how my mother ruined everything.

My sister, my family, my wifes family and so many people have been affected by her manipulative ways. It disgusts me how far she was determined to be in control she would harm me and my sister till we were grown. Now cheated on my dad lied to me about him cheating. Then lets me get raped and abused by other people throughout my life tells me it didnt happened when it was obvious in her face what happened to me.
Throws me away when i devoted my life to loving her for a random stranger and his two kids.
Lastly assualts my wife and almost my stepson after treating him like crap once in front of me.
It kills me she has no remorse and thinks she is better than everyone else.

I know she will probably will be in jail and the mother i thought i had that i almost ended my life for out the immense love i gave her was for nothing.

Its something i have a hard time to swallow that thought.

Im trying to recover the best i can but i know i will be broken for life.

I get a pain in my chest then cry shortly everytime i feel and remember what i went through and what i felt i deserved for a childhood, a teenagers growth, and a normal emotional stable home that i know i felt wanted.

Its like i cant get over that i was that neglected, abused, and controlled by so many people, but my own mother who i thought had my back did the most damage.

Its like i never lived or existed till now. Im grateful to being out and working on my own future but i feel robbed and dirty like a used towel.
I try my hardest not to cry around my step son of how i am constantly reminded by how he doesnt realize how much better he and his mother had than me growing up. Sometimes even though they both love me and tell me how great i am and how strong i am, I only see not an adult in the mirror whose matured, but a boy whose trapped in a grown mans body who is seeking love from a mother who never cared.

I hate these mommy issues i feel gross having them.