It's interesting to read your stories about the therapeutic relationship. I was bothered by similar questions when I was younger. How much does the therapist care for me?

I never had a male T for that reason. I would have definitely tried to make them fall in love with me, and the whole thing would have been pointless.

When I was mid-twenties, I cleaned house once a week for two different psychotherapists. It was sobering! They worked from home and I got to see behind the scenes, how they handled their daily lives.

At first, I was shocked. They didn't seem to care at all! They'd come straight out of a session and immediately play with their children or make jokes or chat on the phone with their friends.

So, it did change the way I'd always see them, from then on.

As I got older, I could assess things slightly differently. It isn't that the T's 'didn't care'. They did, but in an appropriate way. They were professional at all times. It was more like the way you can come to care about your work colleagues. It's real. But it is different to real life friendships.

They encourage caring feelings in you. But they're also trying to teach you how to handle those feelings in an appropriate way. That's my opinion, at least. They want you to act as they do, by opening up in the session, and switching it off when you leave. It's all genuine feeling. But with limits.

I think that the T relationship is a professional contract where the client pays the T to be interested and talk about the client's problems, which includes showing compassion and support if the client needs that. Nothing else really. Of course over time, lots of feelings can emerge both ways, but I think that expecting Ts as a savior or "the one" is unrealistic and will ultimately always lead to disappointment.

From your posts, it does appear that your T is reasonably competent, but maybe promising to do something outside of the scope of therapy (going to see your art in an exhibit) was a bit too much from her to offer. And perhaps so it is from you to expect to get to know her very deeply - it's not her duty and responsibility simply. I am sure that she cares about working with you in many ways and so many of your reports here demonstrate it. But expecting to know her beyond that, understanding her motives etc is not what therapy and the relationship with a T is supposed to be really. I think it is fine if a client tries to "analyze" the therapist in their own way, but we cannot expect them to provide for that. I think we also cannot expect them to serve as parent substitutes, friends, mentors etc - the structure of therapy is far too inconsistent with that sort of wish and I personally dislike when a T claims that as there is no way it can be fulfilled. I think that T and client are T and client, not something else. Like student and teacher are student and teacher, or landlord and tenant are landlord and tenant. There can be many emotions and affections developing, but the context remains the same, otherwise the therapy stops being therapy.