awwww heidu.... I was afraid I couldn't help much..... you are in such a difficult situation... keep your strength hun.. not saying you should, but sometimes we should know when to throw in the towel.. you do sound like a charming person and it would be a shame that someone who could appreciate it never got the chance... hoping you can keep the beast at bay a little longer til that miracle you need happens ((((((((((((heidu)))))))))))

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius