The weekend wasn't the best- it sounds odd but studying was always the one thing I was good at. I forced myself to not be alone and headed for public spots to make sure i got something's done and i'm proud of myself.

The mother said something that made me
cry which I'm trying to forget about when I said that I needed therapy and felt suicidal.

Things with R and me aren't the best. I sent him an email in friday asking for my tuesday slot back. He hasn't replied despite me asking for an acknowledgement. I sent another message on skype. He saw that but didn't reply. I'm tempted to just tell him that I don't want my tuesday slot back- just so that I wouldn't have to pay him. I have exams coming up in less than 3 just after christmas- don't think i could lose him right now but we're not working out at the moment. Maybe we just need space i don't know.

School wise I actually had fun in internal class today. Classes are held in the hospital but this one is in the doctors office. Just the 7 of us sitting on his
sofas- then we go around on wards. We were talking about heart examinations. Staring with pulses. The girl next to me offered me her wrist the first thing i noticed were the old cuts. I didn't say anything but gave her a side hug. Maybe she knows or maybe she doesn' t but I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable so i said nothing. Next we had chest examinations on a real patient. Her sleeve rolled up slightly showing another angry scar. It just made me feel sad that she knew what it was like I guess.Shes a very smiley girl and always joking around but I never noticed the long sleeves before until today. It does change the way i see her now and i would lying if i said it didn't. But it just makes me want to look out for her more than anything.