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Originally Posted by feileacan
I agree that these things might be necessary. Also I know that there are therapists who understand and accommodate those needs. They might be rare but I personally have met with two such therapists and I'm currently still seeing one of them.
Why many or most therapists don't understand it? I don't know. Maybe because most of their patients have been well enough not to need outside contact in such a way and this it has never occurred to them that there are patients who need it?
Also, most probably these therapists are afraid that their patients become "overly dependent" on them and thus it might feel safer for them to keep their patients at arms length. I would call it lack of experience and lack of personal therapy work (because understanding one's need to keep his patients at arm's length is perfect topic for someone's own therapy).
Anyway, I personally would not see such a therapist.
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Hi Feilecan,
Thanks for your input. I agree with you that a small number of therapists exist who are trained and equipped to help those of us with deep attachment needs. Unfortunately, I've searched the Internet for attachment therapists who practice in my area, and there are very few who work with adults. (I live in a large metropolitan area too). Among the few I've found in my area who do work with adults, they don't accept insurance. They are all private pay, and the cost is too high. It just wouldn't work for me.
I'm really glad that you were able find one who has the capability to provide what you need.
It has puzzled me that my t doesn't seem to "get it." Within the last year or so, she took training on attachment issues and working with clients who have them. She told me at the time that she had "changed her viewpoint" on attachment in therapy and understood better why it was necessary.
She offered more connection in sessions after that, and she insisted that she wanted to increase support outside the session if I needed it. But in practice, she didn't follow through when it came to providing the outside support. I still found it very bare bones and almost nonexistent.
The weird thing is...in session, she doesn't act like she wants to hold me at arm's distance. She invites emotional connection. For whatever reason, though, she just does not want to extend it beyond the therapy hour. she has told me that she dislikes email, as it can easily be misunderstood, and that she is not so good at expressing things that way. So maybe it is not just me...still, it seems like if she realizes how much I need that extra support at times, she should adjust her preferences to fit my needs. Instead, I feel like I have to give up what I truly need to fit her preferences.