I will always be able to continue. I told the therapist I see that until I am involuntarily committed to hospital, I remain fine.

then she asked if I needed to go to hospital.

I said no. because I'm fine.

I don't think I'm fine. the world seems very grey. and I'm getting bored and tired of continuing. but things aren't that bad.

I can barely muster up energy to do what needs to be done. I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not getting what needs to be done done.

the T seems to think its a big deal that I have my method of suicide with me at all times. I told her I don't think its a big deal.

I don't know. theres no point in this post because I can't string a thought together. I just wish someone would realize how bad things are.

anyway, they're not that bad. I'm going to be fine. I also decided there's nothing wrong with me, or my childhood. nothing really horrible happened.

I need help. I'm fading away.