Hey luco.
I know this feeling, I do. It's indescribable.
Let's focus on getting through today, just through today.
You had a good termination, right? No burned bridges, right?
Could we look at this as not an all-or-nothing thing?
Success here doesn't mean never contacting him again.
Contacting him again, even going back, is not failure.
Perhaps tell yourself that this doesn't have to be permanent.
You're detoxing right now.
Get through the detox.
Lean heavily on the new T you're seeing. Extra sessions, whatever you need. Go there right now.
When you are through "detox," which will honestly take longer than you probably anticipated...and sucks a lot more too, you can reevaluate.
But let's get through this acute detox stage, ok?

That said, no matter what you choose, we will still be here for you. No matter what. It's ok - whatever you choose.