At my worst I was a 9, especially during my psychotic manias with mixed features. I wouldn't say a 10, because I was never arrested or strapped down in the hospital for long periods, though I was dragged into the isolation room many times and once followed around the psych ward by a psych security guard. Once I did have some kind of mixed manic panic attack where I screamed non-stop to a 911 operator feeling like I was going to die and that the devil was after me. Six cops showed up at my house. I had locked myself out. I wanted the cops to take me away to safety. All I did was scream continuously until my husband got home, luckily not too long afterwards. Really, some of my worst times I don't even remember. I had manic blackouts. I believe some of the times were traumatic. Really, my recovery has been a very long and hard road, I think because of some of the trauma related to my worst years.

Now I'm still on disability, but range from 3-6. I've tried to do some limited part-time volunteer work, but it always triggers a mood episode. I have managed to take a few online college courses (just one per semester) and did well. There are days when I feel almost normal, but issues like energy levels make it difficult for me to feel "normal". Hopefully that will come in the future when my Seroquel XR is reduced again. I'd like to be able to have a full active day and not suffer the consequences for days afterwards.