Hi Annie, thanks
It's hard to say just which part of therapy helped exactly ... I think the experience of being treated as if I matter and my thoughts and feelings matter made me see myself differently and not feel so much need to suppress everything.
I grew up in an abusive household and I formed the impression, without really realising it, that I was a bad person. Also I was often told off and shamed for being upset, and sometimes told that this was proof that I was bad, so I had a lot of shame around my emotions and many years of trying to suppress them. We have worked a LOT on that - recognising that my mum is very unwell and that it's not in any way my fault. My T says that a huge sign of progress for me is that I am able to express upset and anger towards my mum.
We do schema therapy which is kind of like CBT but more in depth, and one of the things we have worked on both cognitively and with imagery work is overcoming the belief that I am a bad person. I truly don't believe it any more, and as I see myself as a "normal" person like everyone else, I think that it's ok for me to have emotions, sometimes be upset etc., just like everyone else.
It's amazingly liberating and I really hope that you will also be able to get to this place.