Well, I managed to get to class and do three small but important things. It is so difficult to send emails and do boring paperwork. Communication and deadlines freak me out. I just do not like to deal with people it seems. There's a lot of pressure. But I'm feeling as if I can get some things done today. Maybe it helped to angst at the T.

Now I need to get off my butt and do something creative. This might be the end of me. It seems like freelance artistic work is very stressful for me, as it requires deadlines, communication, unclear who is the boss, and also the creativity that I buried long ago.

My emotional shifts are strange. I don't know what makes my mood change. I told the T that I just have to force myself to do my work, to will myself out of bed. Maybe it is good to be obstinate/disagreeable with someone who can't really effect my grades or work performance? I probably have so much anger that I haven't released.

I am aware that I'm not happy or optimistic right now. I merely feel that I can handle my workload. I don't feel any less grey. But it interesting that I am suddenly able to do things. In a day or two it will have flip flopped again.

So basically, I'm fine. Functioning.