One more year and still above ground. I think I am outliving this disorder. They say you grow out of it. I think I have got to the point I don't care about anything anymore. I have got used to being alone with nobody in my life. I just call crisis lines and talk about nothing to hear another human voice. Got to take life. Yea and no wisdom here. Wish I would have succeeded in ending my life 30 years ago. It does not get better just acceptable which means as the old saying goes - "you get used to hanging if you hang long enough". You get used to being unwanted If you are unwanted long enough. My neighbor is guarding his children because they want to play outside and there is a mentally ill person next door - me. He still remembers when they did a mental health well check on me 7 years ago so he still guards his children.