I think that I am much better than I used to be. That being said, I think that sometimes, for me, it is very painful. The limitation that bothers me is when I ask for another appointment and he doesn't have any available. Although I get it intellectually, it feels like my reason for asking for the appointment isn't valid or worse, isn't important. My T gets me in most of the time but it is so painful when he can't. And when he gets sick or gets stuck elsewhere and misses a session, I find that to be painful also. And the going back and forth between my intellect, in that I understand why he missed a session, and my emotions in that I'm hurt and angry that he is not present, is all too often too much to deal with.

I do feel that he has met my needs that needed to be met, enough to help me through whatever it is that I am going through now. I am dealing with anger that just sits with me and is triggered by seemingly innocuous things. It doesn't feel like there's a target, it just is at this point.

However, I do need to mention that when I have my abandonment seiges (as T calls them), it is the most unbelievable, excruciating pain that I can imagine. It is no mystery why people who have abandonment issues avoid them like the plague. When I am in that seige, my opinion above may very well be different as I usually feel helpless, hopeless, and a myriad of other terrifying emotions.