I'm very on and off, sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with anxiety and need to take medication- which I don't like to do but this is quite intense anxiety.

I just wish I could have a life that wasn't filled with so much negativity- I had a horrible upbringing, I don't have a relationship with my father, I've lived through poverty and abuse towards myself and others in my family, I've dealt with depression, anxiety, struggling to get myself away from all that and get myself to a stable life. I finally have a full time career, an income, savings, a good relationship with my mother, I just bought my first home, I've overcome being triggered so much by things that reminded me of my past- and I get diagnosed with cancer.

I feel like something out there must think of me as a joke. I feel like why am I even trying, it all just keeps being thrown at me. I wanted to start becoming a better person now that I finally had stability in my life and could work on myself so that I could be better to others. And now I've taken so many steps back.