Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietMind
. . .
"My therapist is not the mother or father I never had. I never had nor will I ever have the parent I never had. Therapy should help us to understand what was missing, but it cannot reverse the loss of what we missed. Good therapy can help us overcome those deficits that arise from faulty parenting. Just as paying for therapy helps us realise that we have to purchase what we did not receive from our parents, termination helps us realise in a final and painful way what we will never receive."
-- "A Perilous Calling: The Hazards of Psychotherapy Practice"
by Michael B. Sussman
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This is a great quote. It should be given to clients upfront as a guide to what to expect. Yes, sure my unrealistic expectations may very well have come up in therapy. And in good therapy they most likely would have. But this quote would have given me a realistic guide to contrast with my unrealistic expectations. When I was angry at those unfulfilled expectations was not the time. Because then I felt duped. And still feel duped. All the more so that the therapists knew what was in the quote all along! Or maybe should have.
Yes, I did have the final and painful realization, about my parents and about therapy. But, as I've said before, 55 years is an awfully long time to get there. Sure, some may get it sooner. But based on my experience with other people in support groups, some probably never get it.
And then the challenge -- how to overcome the deficits once we know them? Some kind of "rehab" would sure be nice! This from social workers probably more than psychotherapists. And pay for the service? Yeah, sure. But there is no such service that I know of, and I have certainly looked!