For whatever it is worth, and I know this is true, my husband says that I switch back and forth from trying to be an independent superwoman who can do anything and doesn't need anybody's help...to someone who seems like a very young, scared, needy child. I don't like this about me. I want to be the superwoman who feels confident and doesn't need support from others. The part of me that is like that scared, needy child is the dissociative part of me. It just kind of appears when I am under way too much stress.

Even though I am an adult who feels confident most of the time, when I dissociate, I DO feel very young and scared. It's like I've flashed back to my childhood. It's at those times I find I need the extra support from my t. I guess that is why I get so upset and angry if she responds to the adult part of me, with the assumption that I have all of the capabilities of an adult and so, should be able to manage myself. Even though she knows I dissociate like that, she responds in the moment sometimes as though she forgets.

Once I'm able to get out of that "scared child" frame of mind and evaluate what just happened, I have the feeling: "How dare my t hurt that tender, scared part of me that I've kept hidden for decades, after convincing me that it's safe to let her show up and ask for what she needs."

The result is always with me wanting to re-bury her because each failed attempt to get needs met reinforces my belief that those needs are wrong, childish, and a burden to others. And of course that's why I buried her decades ago!

My husband says maybe my t is trying to teach me a balance between being either a superwoman or a scared needy child by sometimes meeting my emotional needs and sometimes not. He could be right, and I can see how this approach might seem productive. My husband points out how much progress I've made over time, and how much I've changed since I began therapy. He says I'd never have been able to weather my mother-in-law's illness and death, taking care of her to the very end, a few years ago. I'm sure some of this inner strength is the result of my work in therapy.

But is the way my t is working with me the best way to help me develop balance? Isn't there a different way that doesn't hurt like h*ll?