also Sabby-- I apologize for my delay.

Yes, this situation IS breaking my heart.

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Whether your sons decide to have a relationship with him or not at any given time or not is completely up to them and there is no guilt that you should be feeling over this.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> that is a big part of it....."guilt"..... I'm supposed to take care of things..... I've ALWAYS took care of things.....Like for one, when I was a child, dad in ICU with severe heart attack--- I tried hard to make things right for mom..... I told her things will work out as she cried.... I took care of things. As a teen I couldn't save the woman in the fasst moving river-- me the lifeguard-- if I can't save --- bad things happen........ it feels my fault......

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One thing I tried to do with my daughters as they were growing up with an alcoholic father was to keep the communication open with them. I allowed them to come to me and complain and cry and do whatever they had to do to deal with his abuse. I also let them know that it's ok to love their dad, but they didn't have to like him and his actions.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Gee, that is so lovely. You are a wonderful mom. (I really mean that)

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I understand how you think that your dream of a close family is ending. It doesn't necessarily mean the end is here mandy. It may mean that there is a change in the path....a change in where your energies need to go.....but it certainly doesn't need to be the end. There are countless opportunities in your life. This may be just a bump in the road for awhile....who knows.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> OK-- I will try to see it this way.... maybe it's a new begining...... or a bump in the road...... I sure hope so.

As far as outside help-- I have just recently started therapy-- but with the holidays and all I've not been able to go too much yet...... the therapist did write me on the calendar once a week for the whole month of January... maybe talking to a therapist will be a good direction, *crossing fingers*...

thank you Sabby for your support and kindness.

mandy