You remind me of a girl I met in a depression support forum (not this one). She has you same issues... nto being able to open and socialize, loathing herself to the extreme...
We have been chatting and she said she wouldn't talk to me over the phone as she could not speak word. Now she lost internet connection at home so I called... You know what? She could talk to me. That is because we had shared so many emotions in chat. So I suggest that you meet people in chat, it is a great way to interact because it is absolutely SAFE. You can fully open yourself and only bring the relationship to real life if you seem to find the right person.

The best of luck!