Random question --

I can't deal with pets (any pets, including tiny poodles) -- I am petrified of them (no idea why -- current T attempts to be validating while clearly showing that she thinks it's yet another sign of my batshit craziness).

My neighbor -- seemingly (never spoken to her) lovely old Prius-driving (decorated with every-liberal-cause-you-can-possibly-think-of bumper sticker) lady -- has two dogs (I have no idea what breed they are [despite current T's attempts to help me figure that out] but they seem medium-size-ish and white / spotted?) that bark the crap out of me whenever they see me.

That by itself would be somewhat okay but the bloody things also show up on my back porch at random times (neighbor tries her best to get them back when she hears them barking blue murder at me), not to mention peeing right below my porch.

End result I can't hang out on my porch without worrying that one or both of them will show up and I dunno, eat me alive or something.

I'd also just love it if they could hate me in silence? Like feel free to glower at me but not bark or something?

I have no frickin' clue on how to make them stop (btw, they also seem to randomly bark at other people but the times I've noticed them doing the most [or maybe that's when I'm around] is when they see me).

Any suggestions?

I've considered, I dunno, throwing bones or something from a very safe distance before beating a hasty retreat back into my house.

The whole thing is also six kinds of weird because current T at first told me (before I told her that they hated me) that dogs are good judges of character. My former neighbors' dogs seemed to love me (or so I was told).

Current neighbor's dogs obviously hate me.

I guess I have a mixed love-hate character / personality / relationship with dogs?

Current T though is rather perturbed it seems about what it says about me that these dogs hate me so much.

Any ideas to just get them to stop barking at me? I seriously couldn't care less what they thought of me as long as we could maintain a very very very large and safe distance between us and I wasn't subjected to massively loud barking every time I saw them.

Gah.

P.S. Sorry, I don't mean to offend any dog / pet lovers but this is seriously annoying me (my rant is really my annoyance -- they're just being dogs, I know).