When I was turning 40 I was having a very severe episode and was waiting for acceptance into the mood disorder unit so I could start IP to change to clozapine rapidly. I wanted to mark my 40th but I knew I couldn't enjoy it like I wanted so we delayed it and on my birthday I think we had brownies or something (I have no memory of the actual day) but when I felt better we had a little party.

My birthday is associated with some really horrible memories and is just after the holidays which are really hard for me. I have worked really hard in therapy and have come to enjoy my birthday by making a new picture in my head of what makes it happy and NOT spending it thinking about the bad things that happened or why I am sad that day/marking another year that my illness still didn't vanish. My therapist worked very hard on this for several years; in fact every year he tells me I'm the only patient he has who he knows from memory when their birthday is. But it did work and I no longer dread that time of year.