Yes, this is my week, week after week after week: try so hard to come through for T with the difficult material he wants to discuss and "defang" that I have never told anyone before , feel hopeful during session, leave session sob in the stair well afraid to face the busy cheerful street outside with teary eyeliner, experience anguish like I have never felt before relentlessly through the days and nights while I try hard to function at my usual level at work/home. During this time, my T is playing with his kids, "coparenting"as he says with his wife, seeing other clients etc, and I hear nothing from him, but suffer through no sleep nights and test-of-character anguish on my own. Eventually, I get zausted, and start questioning if he cares about me in the first place. Intellectually, I know I am lucky to have a seasoned and top trauma therapist, and often I feel that way. At the hard times though, I feel like he doesn't care except during the 50 minutes he sits with me, that he asks for more than I have resources to handle safely, and that I would do just about anything to extinguish the pain in my mind. Before therapy, I had defenses to make this dreamy whisps bad dream stuff, not this lucid, factual pain. I don't know if I can dig down deep enough to survive therapy. It would be easier if he thought to check in or even show hey wow we might have pushed this one step too far, but he never does. I don't know if out of sight is out of mind, but it seems like he has a very structured view of what his job and his role is- and he does a tremendous job at that part. He simply doesn't feel it is his job to be a safety net for after sessions unless he is putting someone in a mental hospital or calling 911 . Every once in a while I have reached out to say like- this is too hard, and he does write back something consoling and commiserating .