Have you tried DBT? I’m trying to read a self help book on DBT. I was on Paxil for far too long, I didn’t even have suicidal depression then. Those drugs are potentially dangerous in my opinion, they are very hard to come off, and if people stay on them for ten years plus or even for “life” ... well... they can contribute to very scary health issues. (Mostly not directly fatal ) They are making more and more studies re this. . Just my opinion