Quote:
Originally Posted by leejosepho
As a recovered alcoholic as well as believing myself to be on the autism spectrum, I can say there is a *huge* difference between a) trying to enlighten and possibly help someone who is *willing* to review his or her own behaviour either for his or her own sake and/or for the sake of others and b) trying to refashion the behaviour of a chronic, out-of-control alcoholic.
Agreed.
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Thank you for this comment, it clarifies my position exactly. I know the difference between what I can change and what I can't change. It's doubtful anyone here would allow a loved one to go untreated if they had pneumonia, yet many will allow their loved ones to suffer unnecessarily with autism. My husband is much happier now that he knows he can work around the odd behaviour. And my son is about 80% outside of those odd behaviours now. And my son is happy for the first time in his life, at age 27. And I know their limitations with regard to change.
My daughter fluctuates between happy and extremely sad, due to setting unrealistic goals. She makes a list of things to do today and then sets about getting them done. 90% of the time there are too many things on the list to do. No one could get all those things done in that time frame. Then she's upset that she didn't accomplish her list. The 10% percent of the time she accomplishes her list is because it was a realistic list. If she learned to set realistic goals, she may avoid being extremely unhappy over not attaining a goal. So she creates her own unhappiness by setting unrealistic goals, then she gets obsessed with attaining the unrealistic goal. This can be altered, but she would have to recognise the abnormal behaviour first. And it's sad that she has to alter every meal she's served in a restaurant, as if no one on the planet can make a meal that suits her. I find it implausible that every restaurant meal is just not "right," even meals she's never had before in a restaurant she has to alter. It's just another thing she's unhappy about for no real reason. It's not the restaurants, it's her. I'd love it if she recognised some of her unhappiness arises from symptoms of autism and she opened herself up to the same solutions that have worked for my son and my husband.
I work on myself everyday, but I don't have autism, I have stress. I meditate, read, write, seek help when necessary, take long baths, workout and take time to be alone. And I work on myself because I know I live under very stressful conditions, so I need to find my own work arounds for my stress. Sharing all of this here is part of that.