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Originally Posted by ruby2011
Everyone I’ve ever looked up to stopped liking me simply because I looked up to them. They all say I never leave them alone.
Recently, someone at work turned on me for looking up to her. She used to like me. The other day, she accused me of calling her name constantly and never leaving her alone. She hasn't talked to me since.
I asked her if it’s bad to look up to someone and she admitted it’s not. I then asked her why she gets mad at me for looking up to her. She said I obsess over her and it’s not healthy. I asked her if other ppl looked up to her. She said yes but they don’t come see her on their days off and they leave right after their shift.
I know I stay after each shift just because she gets off later. I also come in on my days off each week just because she's working. Also, when she was talking to the district manager, I moved from where I was sitting to a table near hers. I know she's a good person, so how could she justify rejecting someone who looks up to her?
I like almost everyone but I look up to very few people. Shouldn’t they be flattered to have specially good qualities that I would look up to them? Yet they ALL accused me of being all over them. Why?
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It seems to me that what you are calling "looking up to" people is more that you obsess over people and it seems to be something you have done many times, from your description. The way that you describe that "everyone I've looked up to.." Everyone has people they admire and look up to but it's not something that happens as often as it seem to happen with you.
Just from your description it seems like you may have a pattern of not just looking up to some people but really clinging and hanging onto them in a more needy way than just admiring and respecting them. The idea that people have not just once said to you that you don't leave them alone speaks volumes.
if this is a work place I can see that there are a few problems here. First,
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She said yes but they don’t come see her on their days off and they leave right after their shift.
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Sounds like a pretty typical reaction here, to be honest. Many if not a majority of people tend to keep their relationships with coworkers as such... a working relationship. your going to see her on days off just seems, in hers and indeed probably many people's minds, quite intrusive.
Second,
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I know I stay after each shift just because she gets off later. I also come in on my days off each week just because she's working. Also, when she was talking to the district manager, I moved from where I was sitting to a table near hers.
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Again, very intrusive and presumptuous in the sense that this is unwelcome behavior by you in her book. You're imposing your presence on someone that does not want that. Looking up to someone does not mean that you cling to them and need to be with them every moment possible.
To be honest it's not acceptable by very many people. Establishing a friendship with someone first and then spending more time with them is the typical way to do this and it sounds like you do not have that rapport yet, but only have a working relationship. If that is the case forcing your presence on someone is highly unacceptable and irregular.
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I know she's a good person, so how could she justify rejecting someone who looks up to her?
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just because someone looks up to you does not obligate you to accept them. Because you admire and look up to them, does not mean you automatically are in a friendship or relationship either.
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I like almost everyone but I look up to very few people. Shouldn’t they be flattered to have specially good qualities that I would look up to them? Yet they ALL accused me of being all over them. Why?
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just based on your short post, I can say it seems to me that you feeling the way you do or how you put it, "look up to people" doesn't happen as rarely as you seem to think.
Should they be flattered? There is no set rule as to what is flattering to someone and they aren't obligated to feel good about the fact that you admire them. They should respect it, and accept it but that does not mean they have to accept your intrusive behavior.