It's not really a fear of commitment. I have my reasons but do not want to write it all out on here. My life is not where I want it. If I explained it, it would make sense. I know what I am doing is still wrong no matter what. It was supposed to be just a sexual thing but I know I am in over my head. I have cryed many times since it started. it is up and down. When it is up I feel amazing! I do it for the excitement. I feel I do not deserve anything and I am stuck in a rut, and am lonely. I don't want to expose the real me to a "real" single man so I play a married one. it is like I am getting what I want from them, but not for real. I don't have to tell them who I really am.