I'm struggling with memories of when I was in my early teens. Moments when I'd get irrationally angry and say something really unnecessary. I was never violent with the exception of one moment of madness in a hostile situation and I feel nothing but sorrow for anyone affected. I wish I could go back in time and somehow alter the way I'd respond to a difficult situation or intrusive thought but I know I can't and I have to accept this.

I could have been a better brother but I wasn't and now I have to accept that which I find to be a really distressing process. It's hard talking about this with a therapist or anyone for the matter because all I'm doing is dwelling on the negatives and making myself look really bad which is really uncomfortable in any company. Guilt is something I face every single day, mostly, and I have no idea how to deal with it except acknowledging that ''that was the past, this is now. That was a different person to who I am now" but this does very little, otherwise I wouldn't have to keep telling myself this!!!