Hey fluffy
There’s a difference between bdsm and forced sex.
You said he’d never hit you or anything like that but you also said he threw ice water and slapped you in the face, did you consent to that?
Without clear boundaries bdsm can be very close to rape.
Sorry, but he sounds like a real ***.
Find a local guy who knows how to fulfill your desires in a safe way, if that is what you are stil into.