Quote:
Originally Posted by leejosepho
I believe we are being careful to *not* make this about you while talking about the *how* of your or anyone's trying to be helpful to her...and I totally understand the overall stress, strain, frustration and/or whatever else you might feel or experience as a wife and mother surrounded by possibly-autistic people.
Is there a reason you have not tried talking with her about this, and could your husband possibly be any help along the line of that type of conversation?
As an aside: I have just begun reading some historical documents related to the challenges faced by Hans Asperger. He believed there had to be some hope for the " Psychically abnormal child", but being a true advocate (such as I am trying to do here) while also trying to understand his patients and know how to best be helpful (such as you are trying to do there) was no easy task. |
I tried to broach the subject by telling her I think her father is autistic. I didn't say he was autistic, I said he displays many behaviours associated with autism. This upset her. An hour later she declared "I don't believe Peter is autistic." There's a difference between not believing something and not wanting to believe something. People can't disbelieve away the truth, there's something going on with Peter. The proof is in the changes he's made that have drastically improved his life to the point where his life seems to be working great...now. The same goes for my son, who was self medicating and is now functioning at a very high level without meds. And he's happy for the first time in his life. He lives in New Zealand. We lived in New Zealand until 2016. Now we're back in Canada. My son has chosen to return to Canada to be with us. I didn't ask him to come back, he informed me he was coming back. I think he should stay in NZ, as Vancouver is soooooo much more stressful than living in Auckland. But it's his choice, he wants to be with us.
My daughter went to see a therapist about 8 years ago when she was having relationships problems, she only did one session. I think she stopped therapy after one session because therapy doesn't do any good at all unless you are willing to change. Therapy is all about change. Some people cling to things, even when those things make them unhappy, such as bad relationships. She stayed in a relationship with a cheater for a few months, then eventually left, then asked him to come back. Today (eight years later), she's gotten past the idea she can't do better than a cheater. So now she's single and seems to be happier than when she was in a relationship. Maybe she can make the changes she needs to make without outside help, but it does require to actually see the need for change. So I think I will just leave it alone, as it does seem to make people believe I'm trying to run her life or somehow infringe on her right to be unhappy. What I see in her is great moments of happiness, mixed with irrational bouts of unhappiness over chaos created by blurting out something inappropriate. So she yo yo's between happiness and damage control. Perhaps she has a right to damage things, including her relationships with others. And she has a right to figure that out all on her own. So be it.