dear W.Wings, I agreed with what you said aout "hell" being here on earth, you're living in it... and the part about feeling "dead" also correct...my heart goes out to you because I know what its like to be "stuck", to feel hopeless, the last thing I want to do is sound like a cliche but I've "been there", thanks to the love of my wife, and my church family, and most importantly the revelation of Gods love to me I suffer no more. I wish that somehow I could lift you up too, I feel as though I've been given so much. get a bible and read it, talk to God about what bothers you, ask for healing in your mind and body and walk in the faith that it will happen. try to find a supportive group of christian people and enlist their support and prayers. You really seem like you're sick and tired of being sick and tired...if you've come to the "end of yourself" why not give him a real chance to do what only he can do...heal! Jesus does "save", he saves us from "ourselves" despite who and what we are or have been! I sincerely hope you will get to feeling better soon...God bless you, Jeff