So I did work this morning, and it felt great. I felt useful and needed and relevant. But that feeling wears off, and as I sit here waiting to get the kids, I find myself contemplating poor choices...start drinking (why? I don’t know, I don’t “feel” stressed or the “need” to). I do feel “busy” inside, like jittery and racing, but I don’t know from what. Sometimes when I used to feel this way I used to do harm myself to help “ground myself”. Stupid thoughts mostly. I wish they’d stop. Maybe if I sleep they will stop. Waste of time. I’m always looking for time to do things, and now I am just wasting it