He is definitely abusing you. The relationship you describe is a nightmare. I can't believe you are still in it. You say you love him. I wonder if you just love the idea of him because he is around for you so you don't have to be lonely?

Your family and therapist are right. For your own safety you need to cut the cord on this "relationship." I also agree there's a huge difference between bdsm and forced sex. What he has done sounds a lot more like rape than bdsm. If you were 16 the first time, how old was he? Sounds like that might have been statutory rape regardless.

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