Mouse, you have excellent insight. That sounds a lot like what I got from T yesterday. There is a part of me trying to be competent all the time, and another part that is very good at bein helpless and incompetent. The two parts seem to hate each other. The way that I was raised, I got rejected for trying to be competent at anything. The choice that I was left with was to learn to be incompetent or be obliviated. So why should I hate myself for choosing not to be obliviated?

You are the way you are because you had to be, because you are a survivor. It's not that there is something wrong with us so much that we learned how to cope with the often unbalanced or dysfunctional environments we were raised in. What we do worked then, and we need to learn what works now in the new environments that we live in, which still might not be balanced but now we can do more to change the environment too.