I'm new to the forum. I guess I could post in any number of the forums for mental health, because I seem to be a wreck these days...

I have BPD, but along with it comes some really serious depression and anxiety issues. I am constantly finding myself between a rock and a hard place.. and I know getting there was all my own doing. I can't seem to make the right choices, and when I mess up, I just can't cope with it.

I'm writing here today because I need someone to talk to I suppose. It's hard to talk to friends and family about how I feel, because I know that they really don't get it. They'll tell me to "cheer up" and "smile" and say, "it's not that bad." And it usually sends me into rage.

I've come to the point where I realize I truly do hate myself, and that's a hard place to be. Everything is bleak. I admit I have had an especially bad week, but the feelings never really go away. I start therapy in a couple days, and I'm really looking forward to it.. I just need something to tie me over until then.. all these feelings take home in a lump in my throat, and all I can do is lock myself in my office sometimes.

I know there's got to be hope out there.. And everything that happens isn't always my own fault. I just don't honestly believe it. I guess I'm just looking for a friend right now.