I journal endlessly inpatient, have a hard time outpatient. I sometimes log my thoughts, though.

Another one of my problems, and I feel so crushed and horrible about it but it is running in my head... God it makes me feel evil... but sometimes when a horrible event happens, I want it to be as bad as possible, to set a new record for being horrible, for the worst case scenario to take place. I don't think it is sociopathy, because I still feel strong empathy and the sense of good and bad. I don't want to CAUSE things to be bad, but it just feels like it would be more... interesting. Maybe life is just too dull and I need to punctuate it.

EDIT

It used to be much worse. Until a few years ago, I would have "white outs", where I would, well, white out when I was angry or afraid dealing with people. Brain tingled and shut down, vision flashed white and red, feelings of rage and anger... the only times I felt like I might hurt someone. I haven't had those in a long while, though. Always reported it to my doctors, but they never made a deal about it.