Broken. Maybe. Shattered. I live most of the time thinking that too. "How could THIS ever get fixed?" I'm not the best person to answer that. But I know broken. I feel it almost all the time. But almost isn't always, now is it? Almost means there is something! Miniscule hope! Tiny fractions within the fractures of me that CAN work.
You're reaching out here, that's a piece of you with hope! A glimmer! Awesome! Something there that wants better. Use that little glimmer. Reach out in real life, anywhere you know that is truly a good choice.
Have you made a doctor appointment? Therapist? Someone to talk to? I know here in the States there are hotlines for those in desperation, just a stranger to listen, perhaps listen to, and maybe even cry with. I had both of us doing that once when I called.
Do you go to church or have a spiritual belief? Invest yourself in that. Reach out to your spiritual leaders.
You're not here because you gave up. You're here because you still have hope.
I love you, because you are a being in this messed up Universe. You matter to me. Please do something in the real world to help yourself, even if "they" won't.