I should be IP but I have a trip home coming up and I wont miss that, for anything.

I have not felt this out of control in a long time. I want to self harm , But I just cant I have been self harm free for almost 5 years I dont want to break that long stretch.

I just wish I could just sleep , sleep away days .. but NO im to angry to sleep.

I really just want to go home, for good I dont like being back in Florida and we arent seeing the kids like it was planned, Plans seldom work out !

I miss my home, even the cold winters.... I miss that and just the quietness of having no neighbors except cows.

Sorry having a pity party for myself.